used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
