It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
