Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
