We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
