His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
