She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
