Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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