My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
