His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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