My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
