hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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