Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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