She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
3 2 1 whiskey
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
