I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize