I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
