everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
