You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
