??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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