There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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