I will die if light touches me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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