you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
