things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
