watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
