mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
