Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
