So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
