we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
