I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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