The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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