So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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