well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need moral support for this bender
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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