she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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