His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
