Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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