all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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