Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
