she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
