yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize