and i looked up. we had an audience...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
be right there i have to get my cape
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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