sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
