I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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