the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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