BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
