can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
