we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i now understand why vodka
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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