She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
