pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
