Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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