i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
