I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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