Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize