My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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