So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
