Pants 0. Shit 1.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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