whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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