dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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