No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
