all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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