Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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