I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
