So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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