i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
