would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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