The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
