Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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