just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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