Whatcha textin bout Willis?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
