one might say we're banned from that church
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
