Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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