No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
