I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
