your room smells of hookers.
And success
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
